I was totally unprepared for the call informing me that you would be there last night and unsure how to react. Should we continue in our plans to attend or stay at home? In the end we decided that we would still go and leave early if we were not enjoying ourselves.

You could not attend the funeral of your own father but you could be there last night?

The photographs flashed on the wall of the room, both monochrome and colour. They all looked so young, everyone was so young. Each photograph bringing back memories, only capturing a moment, a party, day out, holiday, wedding, all the events of our lives and their lives before we were ever born. Did any of the photographs really tell a story or just capture a moment in time?

There are photographs of last night, what do they tell?

I did not see you enter, how long had you been there before I saw your back across the room? I knew it was you, the way you hold yourself, the way you move. In that instance you had made your way across the room to sit at our table and I was not ready, I had not expected you to be so bold.

Did you really just casually start a conversation?

“Hi Miladysa. Are you feeling better?”

How am I feeling? Was I feeling? Yes, I was feeling.

I needed another drink but before I could reach for the glass the other me answered,

“Fine, thank you.”

Did I really sound that bright? Chirpy even? Was that really me? Did I look at you and say those words?How could I look at you and not look into your eyes?

I looked up to the left of me and into a waiting pair of eyes and heard a concerned voice asking,

“OK babe?”

Yes, yes, I am OK because you are here with me.

I moved to another part of the room, casually, as casually as,

“Hi Miladysa. Are you feeling better?”

This will probably be the last party we all share together. Our parents have passed and their generation is passing. We have grandchildren now, we have become the older generation. Perhaps it will just be funerals from now on and we are all so finely spread across the globe that we may only hear after the event. A few have remained here, some may return and others may leave for newer if not greener pastures.

How are the Carolinas? Yes, I know you are living there now but I do not know if it is North or South, I have not asked.

You moved across the room taking photographs, capturing moments of time. A second time you approached me and spoke,

“Can I take a photograph of you with Isolde? She is beautiful. Beautiful.”

The other me answered, posed for the photograph, even looked at the image in the camera when you asked me to.

“Do you want a copy? I will send you one by email.”

You did not ask for my email address. Do you have my email address?

The songs were different last night, songs of a new generation.

“I will not back down
When you push me to the wall
Expecting me to fall
I will not give in
I am not afraid to fight
For what I know is right
I can only take so much
And when I’ve had enough
It’s not in my blood
to just lay down
I will hold my ground”

Did you really break my heart? Did I cry an ocean of tears over you? Did you shape my life in parts? Have you haunted me all these years?

By the time we came to leave I had laid my ghosts.

I approached your table and embraced all one by one. You reached out for me and pulled me close, I heard you catch your breath as you inhaled my perfume.

Yes; I still wear the same one.

“Thank you for coming. Your daughter is beautiful. Beautiful.”

“Goodbye.” I said, not the other me.

I said Goodbye with a million emotions swirling around inside of me and not one was regret.

“OK babe?”

Yes, yes I am OK. I am here with you and it's a new day…

Labels: Ghosts, Love, Miladysa

Posted by Miladysa at 4:54 PM 22 Comments