Death is Nothing at All
19 September 2009

"Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner. All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!" - Henry Scott Holland



I remember sitting on the cold stone step looking out onto the garden. Several ants were scurrying to and fro, my long hair was obscuring part of the view and the sun was blasting down, making me squint. I have no idea if I was waiting for you but I do know that I wasn’t surprised when I turned to see you walking down the street, rucksack over your shoulder and a broad smile galloping across your face. I remember running and then being offered to the heavens, my pony tail swinging round and round with my giggles. I treasure that first memory of you.

Only the other day I was speaking of your wonderful bedtime stories, no books for you though - the bedspread was your medium. A landscape of adventures for our hero as he battled all kinds of terrible monsters and rescued the little princess from their grasp. Was there ever a hero greater than you? I don’t think so. No monster could ever get close when you were around.

You always understood me and yet we were so very different in many ways. My world of colour and yours of monochrome. My world of fantasy and yours of fact. From you I learned survival in a different way than you possibly intended. How to live and how to live with my mistakes - I’ve certainly made plenty. No regrets – what’s done is done – pick yourself up and move on.

You are still there whenever I need you. A little voice at the back of my mind, urging me on or ordering me to stop. Confidently guiding, pointing out that I know the answers I need. So in many ways it’s like you never went away but we both know you did.

It still feels like it was only yesterday instead of seventeen years ago - seventeen years that sometimes feel like seventy. I’m not complaining though, I know what you would say, no regrets – what’s done is done – pick yourself up and move on. So I’m still moving – you’re still pushing.

Some days I wish that I could just see you for an instant, look into your twinkling blue eyes , hear your contagious laughter, see that galloping smile and then I remember that all I have to do is close my eyes. So I do. Especially on days like today.

Thank you for such fantastic memories Dad.

I’m still moving.

Labels: ,


Posted by Miladysa at 12:51 AM

18 Comments

  • Blogger Baino posted at 4:37 AM  
    A bittersweet memory there . . . I love that passage and have quoted it often frankly. I miss my dad as well and can't believe it's been six years since his passing. We keep those we love close to us all the time, whether they're in our physical world or not. I love the memories I have of both of my parents.
  • Blogger Lana Gramlich posted at 5:16 AM  
    I hear this. I seriously had to pick myself up & move on after my own father's death. Unfortunately I was only 9 at the time, but you gotta do what you gotta do...
  • Blogger Jeevan posted at 11:01 AM  
    Great memories being shared here buddy! Worth reading indeed! Those we lost in physical always remain alive in our memories, since a year I lost my grandma; still I can’t feel she is no more.
  • Blogger laughingwolf posted at 3:49 PM  
    a grand memory and tribute, milady...

    my own dad's second anniversary of his passing is in february, so i can truly relate to much of wheat you wrote....
  • Blogger Melissa posted at 8:03 PM  
    What a lovely tribute, Milady! You sent me that quote when my Nana died and it helped *so* much in the times when the grief was overwhelming. So much of your dad is alive in you! Love and hugs! xo
  • Blogger kj posted at 11:52 PM  
    gulp, this is so totally about love. your father must have been so wonderful and special.

    i miss my dad every day. i can't wait to see him again, and i know i will. in the meantime, he leaves me little flowers here and there.

    miladysa, may i use this quote for my friend renee, who has just lost her nephew? i can hear you saying 'yes'. thank you, friend

    xoxo
  • Blogger Miladysa posted at 1:40 PM  
    Dear friends

    Thank you for all your wonderful love and support. You are always appreciated.

    M x
  • Blogger Donn w/2 Ns posted at 7:30 PM  
    Luscious sentiment.

    I lost my Father in 80 when I was only 21..he was 46.

    I am inclined to hitch my cart to the world of empirical facts. My sentimental inclinations want to believe that he is there waiting when I leave this room. I cannot abide by all of the manmade restrictions of Heaven but I would dearly love to believe that a recognisable facsimile exists...and it would be great to be able to hug again.

    I alsways felt so safe in those big arms.
  • Blogger Miladysa posted at 10:18 AM  
    Donn

    "I alsways felt so safe in those big arms."

    I know exactly what you mean! My mother died 15 years before my father did. I always compare having two parents as being on a tightrope with a full scale safety net below. When one goes - you only have half the area beneath you covered & when both go - well - it sometimes gets rather scary!

    Take care :)
  • Blogger BernardL posted at 5:13 PM  
    Beautiful. I was lucky enough to have had a great one too.
  • Blogger Bimbimbie posted at 9:05 AM  
    My first memory of my dad was him looking up at my bedroom window waiving and telling me don't wake your mam - go on, get back to bed! I used to jump out of bed each morning when I heard him leaving for work and call down bye daddy. I'm lucky it's only geography that separates us by thousands of miles ... I found this so moving Miladysa that I rang him this morning. Thanks and smiles *!*
  • Blogger Miladysa posted at 3:01 PM  
    BernardL - My heart goes out to those of who were not as fortunate as we have been.


    Bimbimbie -Aww Bless! You made me eyes leak (hugs)
  • Blogger Vesper posted at 12:37 PM  
    Oh, Miladysa, we carry them with us, our beloved dead, always will... But it is so hard, sometimes, not to be able to physically touch them, to feel the caress of their hand on our head...

    You wrote such a touching tribute to your Dad. And the quote gives hope and strength...
  • Blogger Miladysa posted at 6:26 PM  
    Thanks Vesper :)

    I miss him so!
  • Blogger Renee posted at 2:35 AM  
    What a beautiful tribute to your Dad. It all seemed so current I was surprised that it was 17 years ago that your Dad passed on. It was a wonderful tribute and you made him alive.

    My blog header is done by Kelly Vivanco.

    Love Renee xoxo
  • Blogger Miladysa posted at 5:21 PM  
    Thanks Renee - deeply appreciated x
  • Blogger Seb posted at 7:12 AM  
    Great post! This is very helpful. I'm sure I'd visit your site more often. Anyway, you can drop by my favorite online hang out too, at UK Student Community. Thanks!
  • Blogger Miladysa posted at 11:13 PM  
    Thank you Seb.

    I dropped by.

    • Post a Comment

    « Home

    Create a Link